Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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