Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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