good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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