meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
