at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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