The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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