Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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