i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
