god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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