If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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