So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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