is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
