1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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