yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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