ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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