If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
