Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...

  (714): View more from California

  Didn't you just get a DUI last week?

  (818): View more from California

  Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it

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  (818): Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong... (714): Didn't you just get a DUI last week? (818): Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it http://tfl.nu/by7p
  Replies (3) Good night (2879) Bad night (832)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob

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  (705): it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob http://tfl.nu/qlwy
  Replies (47) Good night (4985) Bad night (2004)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.

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  (214): I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars. http://tfl.nu/iixj
  Replies (20) Good night (1087) Bad night (6730)
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  (949): View more from California

  you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.

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  (949): you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application. http://tfl.nu/ha6k
  Replies (7) Good night (3776) Bad night (1059)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

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  (859): I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you. http://tfl.nu/a48g
  Replies (14) Good night (5632) Bad night (2260)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.

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  (580): Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me. http://tfl.nu/8lxk
  Replies (10) Good night (2443) Bad night (1347)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.

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  (770): She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking. http://tfl.nu/77kz
  Replies (9) Good night (3164) Bad night (786)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.

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  (330): i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait. http://tfl.nu/bv41
  Replies (15) Good night (2935) Bad night (1039)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal

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  (870): Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal http://tfl.nu/uj9w
  Replies (9) Good night (847) Bad night (356)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...

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  (512): I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously... http://tfl.nu/ew5g
  Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (346)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"

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  (561): My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally" http://tfl.nu/drl0
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.

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  (727): The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now. http://tfl.nu/gkpn
  Replies (3) Good night (605) Bad night (327)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.

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  (512): Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale. http://tfl.nu/qpyu
  Replies (1) Good night (692) Bad night (387)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.

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  (604): Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break. http://tfl.nu/w4c5
  Replies (0) Good night (489) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?

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  (859): My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right? http://tfl.nu/r03q
  Replies (3) Good night (457) Bad night (185)

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