I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.