I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
