2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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