They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
