He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize