is your mom at the bar?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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