I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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