im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
