Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
