Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
