yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
