i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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