what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
