All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
