Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
