Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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