broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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