we're chasing vodka with high fives
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
