He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
