Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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