He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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