Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my phone needs a breathalizer
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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