Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
