He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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