From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
