It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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