the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
