I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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