At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
