dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
