Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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