U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
is that a dick in a sweater?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
