You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
