I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
