Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
