i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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