She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
