she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
