Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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