so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
