the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
