As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
barbara walters just said penis...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
do herpes really smell.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Couch. On fire.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
