fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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