Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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