The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
