You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
