I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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