I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
