Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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