i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
