tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
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Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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